💥How to Gain Confidence in Social Settings: Don't Let Social Anxiety Hold You Back⚡

Are you Interesting or Interested?

This seemingly random question holds profound significance.  Stay with me as I explore mindset shifts that can transform your uncomfortable event experiences into successful and rewarding encounters. 

I've been thinking about the energy active engagement brings lately, particularly in settings where connections are key. While I thrive on meeting new people, I recognize that not everyone approaches social gatherings with the same enthusiasm. 🤩

As we dive into the concept of being ‘interesting or interested,’ the focus will be on HOW we engage at social gatherings and networking events.  

If you've ever felt reluctant or apprehensive about attending events, gatherings, or reunions, fear not – I'm here to equip you with the insights and tools to navigate these situations with confidence and grace.

Recent Reflections

As a Speaker, I have recently attended a few large events.  The vibe was high-energy, and I was in my glory seeing people I hadn’t seen in a while and enjoying some great people-watching.

💭Have you ever been to a social event where you felt out of place?  How did you handle it?

What I was watching was individuals' comfort zones and energy levels in the room.  Some attendees walked into a room on a mission, knowing precisely where they were headed.  Others stood back, waiting to find one person they recognized before stepping further into the room.  It was fascinating to read the room, and I could envision myself in each scenario at different times.

Reflecting on the attendees' comfort with connecting, it was easy to identify the extroverts and introverts, the first-time attendees and the veterans, and those who came with a tribe versus those who came solo.  

The bottom line is that everyone experiences different levels of comfort at events and gatherings, influenced by various factors.  Observing these different comfort levels during social hours is particularly interesting.  Here are several takeaways from these events to help you with your next gathering.

A Little Secret

Facing Social Fears

Most of us experience some level of fear around social gatherings - especially when attending alone, but EVEN when accompanied by a partner or friend.

As I often say, ‘Say YES to opportunities and make new connections, it will open doors and quite possibly change the trajectory of your life”. It is the path to rediscovering your spark!

🎤Speaking from experience, many doors have been opened to me when I boldly said YES to new opportunities.  At the same time, I understand the appeal of staying in your comfort zone. 😬

Nobody wants to feel awkward, tongue-tied, or appear to be a wallflower at an event.  But we all have been there.

💭Can you recall a time when you pushed yourself out of your comfort zone?  What was the outcome?

And guess what:  You don’t have to continue to feel this way…but you will need to shift your mindset.

Overcoming Initial Hesitation

Up until my twenties, I had a tough time engaging with others in large gatherings.  I was intimidated and was typically fearful that I wasn’t interesting enough or dressed appropriately, or a myriad of other fears that appeared to hold me back.  

One time, when I was new in town, I recall being excited about attending the local Newcomer’s Club.  I was looking forward to the event…until I got there and was reminded that I didn’t know a soul.  The others appeared to know each other at a deeper level than being a ‘newcomer' since they all seemed to be engaged in what appeared to be familiarity and girlfriend chatter.

At this point, I almost reverted to my teenage years when I wanted to shrink and be a wallflower.  But then I remembered that I didn’t want that at all!  So I continued walking into the center of the room - the hub of conversations - and looking for a break in the conversation when I introduced myself.

That’s all it took - intentional movements forward with a smile.  I met so many fun and interesting ladies that day and quickly became a fixture in the “Not so Newcomer’s Club”.  

We were all new to town at some point, but the fun and friendships we cultivated in this club kept us coming back.  After all, there wasn’t an expiration date to anyone’s tenure in this club.  

If I had not believed in my abilities to engage with new acquaintances, remained tight-lipped and hung around the outer perimeter of the room, or maintained a timid look, the outcome of this event would have turned out quite differently.

5 Proven Tips for Success at Social Gatherings:

If this resonates with you, here are some proven tips to help you navigate your fears and make the most of your next gathering.

1. Believe in Yourself.

Confidence is key.  Remind yourself of your strengths and past successes.  Visualize positive outcomes to build your self-assurance before the event.  Ask about the expected dress code so you can plan your outfit accordingly.  Ultimately, wear your favorite items to help you feel confident.  

2. Picture Yourself Having Fun 

Visualization is a powerful tool. Spend a few minutes each day imagining yourself engaging in enjoyable conversations and making meaningful connections. This mental rehearsal can ease anxiety and set a positive tone.

3. Brainstorm Conversation Starters

Prepare a list of open-ended questions to spark interesting conversations. For example, ask about their hobbies, recent trips, or favorite books. People appreciate when you show genuine interest in their lives.

4. Practice Active Listening

Active listening involves more than just hearing words. Show that you’re engaged by nodding, maintaining eye contact, and responding thoughtfully. This not only makes the speaker feel valued but also builds a stronger connection.

5. Use Positive Body Language

Non-verbal cues like smiling, laughing, and leaning slightly forward let the person talking know you’re engaged and interested. These small gestures can make others feel comfortable and appreciated, promoting a more enjoyable interaction.  Be sure to share a part of who you are for a balanced conversation.

With practice and positive thinking, you will be ready to participate more fully at your next event.

Shifting Focus: Helping Others Feel Welcome

Now, imagine you’re at a gathering where you feel completely at ease and know everyone.  In these situations, you have a unique opportunity - and, I'd argue, a responsibility - to reach out to those who may be feeling out of place. 

Using Your Confidence to Help Others

If you are one of the lucky ones feeling confident and comfortable at an event, use your influence to bring others into a conversation circle.  You will likely spot the ones feeling far from their comfort zones on the edge of the room or sitting alone.  

💭Have you ever helped someone feel more comfortable at a gathering?  How did it go?

These people were brave to attend the event, so make sure somebody acknowledges them and introduces them to others.  Make them feel welcome and help them meet people and enjoy themselves.  Who knows?  This person may be the key to enriching your circle of friends!

Extend a Welcoming Hand to Newcomers at Get-Togethers:

1. Initiate Conversation

Approach the person who seems uncomfortable with a friendly smile and start a conversation. Ask them open-ended questions about their interests, experiences, or how they're enjoying the event. This shows that you're interested in getting to know them.

2. Introduce Them to Others 

If you're in a group setting, introduce the newcomer to people you know. This helps break the ice and makes them feel included. You can also facilitate conversations by finding common interests between them and others in the group.

3. Offer Assistance

If the person looks lost or unsure, offer to help them navigate the event. Point out key areas like the refreshment table, restrooms, or seating arrangements. This gesture shows that you're attentive to their needs and willing to lend a hand.

4. Include Them in Activities 

If any group activities or discussions are happening, invite the newcomer to join in. This could be anything from playing a game to participating in a group discussion. Including them in activities helps them feel like they belong and gives them a chance to engage with others.

5. Be Empathetic and Supportive

Show empathy towards others and reassure them that it's okay to feel a bit out of place. Offer words of encouragement and support to boost their confidence. Sometimes, a simple gesture of kindness can go a long way in making someone feel comfortable.

By employing these strategies, confident individuals can make a significant difference in helping those who feel out of place feel more comfortable and included in social gatherings.  Always be mindful of times you were the new person and needed a kind person to invest time with you.

The women’s golf club I belong to is superb at recruiting new members and cultivating new relationships.  Many of our women have a natural gift for welcoming potential new members and helping them feel comfortable in the group. 

Not all groups or clubs are in tune with helping people feel welcome.  Extending a welcoming hand to newcomers is a valuable trait to hone and share wherever you go.  

One of my favorite books and authors is Atomic Habits by James Clear.  He offers insightful advice on connecting with others:

"Don't worry about being the most interesting person in the room, just try to be the most interested person in the room.

-The interested person asks about others and leaves a good impression because people like talking about themselves.

-The interested person is genuinely curious about someone's craft and learns a lot about how things work.

-The interested person engages with more people and—because opportunities come through people—is more likely to catch a lucky break.

In general, the interested person learns more and tends to be well-liked. And in the long run, it's hard to keep down someone who is well-learned and well-liked."

- James Clear

Join me in embracing a shift in mindset.  Believe in yourself, visualize yourself having fun meeting new people, and open doors to exciting adventures.  Your future self will thank you for being brave and forging forward with a new sense of confidence.  

Every day, the direction we choose dictates our future journey.  Make it an exciting one!

💭What steps will you take to boost your confidence at your next social gathering?  Write your ideas down in a journal and envision the positive outcome of your efforts.

If you liked this content and want more positive vibes, here’s how to stay connected….

Staying connected

Follow me on my website to learn about me.  You can also check out my Speaking and Coaching Services and contact me for a free consultation.

Binge more on my blogs.  Here are a few I picked out for you:

• The Key to Happiness: Opening Doors of Opportunity & Having a Growth Mindset

• Reframing Failure: Stepping Stones to Success

• Aligned Purpose: Navigating Fear for Positive Transformation

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To Your Thriving Confidence! 💫

Wendy